"The bully inside you"


by Deanna Bejarano - Writer/SportsEditor

“Nice shoes fat boy, give them to me before you stretch them out!” While that may not be nice, it is what a lot of our kids are dealing with. How about this one, “You’re just a slut like your Mom!” The old saying of, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never harm me” is definitely not true for most kids and even some adults. Any unwanted or unsolicited act of aggression towards you is BULLYING! Name calling, threats, and spreading rumors are just a few examples of “Bullying.” Normally this will occur in the schools, on the bus, walking to and from school, and yes in the work place. Nowadays bullying is also done by texting, emails, Facebook, and even You Tube. A lot of the time the only ones who are aware of it are the one’s directly involved.

“Don’t let your luggage define your travels; each life unravels differently.”

{Shane Koyczan}

The victims of bullying tend to become overwhelmed with very low self-esteem and fear. This can lead to severe depression which could cause one to develop eating disorders, and even suicide. We hear about this on the news nearly every day, the families of victims trying to speak of their loss is just heart wrenching. Some were never aware that anything was happening and others knew of the bullying, but figured it was just kids being kids and they will grow out of it. We are beginning to see more parents who find out about the bullying and actually try to correct it by confronting the school officials, the other parents, or transferring to another school. There are victims that will eventually seek counseling.

Transferring is not the answer; you have to confront it with the strong conviction that you are going to put an end to it. If you don’t, then who will? Nobody. It has to start with you. Anything in your life that you want changed, you have to change it. You have to dig deep, ask for help, and find the strength to make the change happen. A person that moves away from it, is only running from it and not changing it. It could be the hardest thing you will ever do, but it may well be the most powerful and uplifting life changing event you experience. This is because bullying is not just in your town, it’s everywhere. Any place you go, you will experience bullying only because you have before and now that projects outward from within you and people see the weakness, the hurt, the sadness inside you. The bullies feed from this, it’s what they look for in their victims. If they see strength and courage, they turn the other way, they now see you as a threat.

A Mother once witnessed her son coming home crying that a kid in his class picks on him all day. After a few weeks she had finally had enough. Remembering what she had experienced as a child, she told her son that he had to stand up to the boy and fight back, and that if he came home again complaining he would be punished. She didn’t hear a thing for a few weeks until she spoke to the boys teacher. His teacher explained to the Mother that her son took a stand and now all is quiet between the two boys. This is not the answer to all situations, you have to find you own way to “fight back.”

For those who are bullies, grow up and seek help! Bully victims are not the only ones who have a low self esteem; the bullies are generally just acting out their own built up anger, fear, and sadness that is inside them. If you dig deep enough you will probably find that they have hardships of some kind in their home life and for whatever reason, this is the only way they know to cope with their own struggles. So you see, the bullies need also to seek help because what they are doing to others is wrong and they know this. So they have to correct the negatives within them in order to change the negative behaviors they display. So many focus on just the victims and fail to see that the bully is also a victim, a sad, hurt, hidden victim.

Award winning Canadian Spoken Word Poet, writer and performer, Shane Koyczan, has published, recorded, and performed many works on bullying. A couple of his anti-bullying poems, “Stickboy” and “TED Talks” were wrote in an attempt to put an end to bullying. You can also find useful videos like this one, http://youtu.be/VsHOpeOEOM8 , that will aide in the march to stop bullying and to help teach you how to not be bullied. http://bullying.org/ There are agencies that strive to prevent bullying and will offer guidance as to the many different approaches. http://www.stopbullying.gov/prevention/in-the-community/community-action....

So whether you have been or are a victim, or you have or had a friend or loved one that is or was involved in an act of bullying, there is help out there: just ask. Please join in the fight for anti-bullying. Raise awareness in your school and community of this senseless crime of bullying.

“My experience with violence in schools still echo throughout my life but standing to face the problem has helped me in immeasurable ways.” – Shane Koyczan